I love me enough that YOU don’t have to – Me.
I don’t remember when I first said this to myself. But it rang true and stuck with me. I do remember I made a textagram 🙂
It’s one of those off the cuff remarks you make flippantly in the moment or a fleeting thought that comes to you while you’re in the shower. Then later it circles back around and you stop and think, wait a minute, I think that’s a THING.
It was, IS, a thing. The thing is, I do love me. I love me, because I’m me.. I love me enough because I AM enough.
Whether or not YOU love me is none of my business. I didn’t used to understand that sentiment. I was very much of the mindset that I had to KNOW. I wanted to know who was saying what to who, why they thought what they thought about me, how they felt about me. I need to know becuase I needed to control. Or at least, thought I wanted to control. But one thing I know for sure is that you cannot control another’s thoughts, feelings, opinions and you will run yourself ragged trying. You cannot make everyone happy. Or comfortable.
I know this for sure because I couldn’t control my own thoughts, feelings, opinions of others OR of myself. I couldn’t be truly happy. I was always trying to organize, coordinate, buy things for people…but who was doing that for me? And when I did do all of the work, the outcome never seemed as fun or rewarding as I had envisioned.
For some reason, I felt like I needed people to like me, to want to be around me, to be attracted to me. The secret was, they already did and were. I was doing all of these extra things to keep the expectations high. But it was unnecessary. I found out people who truly love me for me won’t expect and require some ficticious version of myself I thought I needed to create. No, they’re here for ME.
The real me. The loud, boisterous one. The sometimes funny one. The one with a quick wit or quip and accidentally great comedic timing.
And the most important part of it all is that those who aren’t here for me, the real me. just aren’t and they never really were. They were just in the midst, passing through similar circles, catching a glimmer into me but perhaps blinded or shaded by my light. I shine. Some folks know how to bask in the glow. Some only know how to squint and try to pull you back with them.
I can’t allow it. I don’t need that kind of weight on my journey. I need to be free. And float. And just be.